I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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