Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it