My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sarcasm needs its own font
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
