He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
