and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN