i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck