bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.