Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance