I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy