Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.