im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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