So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
