I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
