Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Im part way to drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
