Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
