I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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