at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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