Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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