you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
