i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am one with the molecules
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
