"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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