Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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