We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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