i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
