I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
