I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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