sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
