My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
