he quoted the bible to break up with me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
