You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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