It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
