I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
