THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
