i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
