she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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