mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
