tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
