but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
