5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
