I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
