bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
