you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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