nut hugger
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please don't give away my fajitas
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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