Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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