We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
