Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
