I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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