Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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