dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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