While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
