I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
