I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
