the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
