He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
