You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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