marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
