If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
