I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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