drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
