Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
