He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
