puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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