okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
