Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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