I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
