happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
