This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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