I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
