I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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