She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
