were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
