my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lost the right to judge tonight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
