That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
